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What is a Hotel Manager?

A Hotel Manager must be a diplomat, a democrat, an autocrat, an acrobat and a doormat.

He must have the facility to entertain prime ministers, princes of industry, pickpockets, bamglers, bookmakers, pirates, philanthropsists, popsies and prudes.

He must be on both sides of the “political fence” and must be alble to jump or sit on that fence.

He should be, or have been a footballer, golfer, bowler, tennis, player, cricketer, dart player, sailor, pigeon fancier, motor racer and linguist as well as have a good knowledge of any other sport involving dice, cards, horse racing and billiards.

It is also most useful, as he has sometimes to settle arguments and squabbles, that he should be a qualified boxer, wrestler, weight lifter, sprinter and peacemaker.

He must always look immaculate-when drinking with ladies and gentlemen listed in the first paragraph, as well as bankers, wankers, theatricals, commercial travelers and company representatives even though he has just made peace between any of the two, four, six or more of the aforementioned patrons.

To be successful he must keep the bar full, the house full, the store room full, the customers full and not get full of himself.

He must have a staff who is clean, honest, quick workers, quick thinkers, not-drinkers, mathematicians and at times be on the boss’s side, the customers side stay on the outside of the bar.

To sum up: He must be outside, inside, offside, glorified, sanctified, crucified, stupefied, cross eyed and if he’s not the strong silent type there’s always suicide ...